Fate's Apprentice

A funny fantasy Kung-Fu fighting, sword slashing, chocolate chewing, seat of the pants adventure story!

For Adults and Children of 10 years +

Chapter 1

The Council of the Gods

The gods held an emergency council meeting at Olympus. It was the first time they had all come together since the terrible news that the Muppet Show had been cancelled on TV.

The appearance of a new un-god was the latest news in Valhalla, Olympus, Jeff’s Coffee Emporium and all the other places that gods normally hang out.

Malcolm, god of Fate, had seen first-hand the damage an inexperienced god running around changing things willy-nilly could do, so they were all agreed that the new un-god would have to be trained.

Things and Un-things together would theoretically balance or cancel each other out. The gods had watched plenty of TV and they knew what happened with prophecies of Good Little Boys who were supposed to bring Balance and how that turned out.

They sat down together and re-watched all nine Star Wars films as well as the cartoon mini-series. Mistakes had been made and the gods were smart enough to learn from them.

Firstly, they would not insist on any sort of silly haircut and secondly, they wouldn’t require him to wear the traditional brown robe, (although there were some unhappy murmurings from the older gods on the backbenches).

Finally, they certainly wouldn’t entrust his training to some young headstrong god, instead, the new un-god would be taught by each of them individually.

It was agreed, they would invite Charlie Bluster to join them at Valhalla!

“Now that’s decided,” declared Hera, queen of gods, “we need someone to go and get him. This will have to be done very carefully so as not to scare the wee lad and create the Wrong Impression.”

“I’ll go,” volunteered Zeus.

“You, but you’re as subtle as a brick wall in the face. The last time you got involved it caused the Trojan War!”

“Oh that,” said Zeus, “that was just a little misunderstanding and it all got cleared up a century or two afterwards.”

“Little misunderstanding? It caused the whole place, and most of the people, to be completely wiped out!”

“That was a long time ago. I’ll be timid as a kitten, I’ll introduce myself, explain the situation calmly, like a Sensible Adult, and ask him to come along and join us. What can possibly go wrong?”

Zeus hurtled from Olympus in a fireball and impacted the ground right in front of Charlie with a show of lightning bolts added for good effect.

“COWER, BRIEF MORTAL AND BEHOLD, ZEUS, CHIEF OF GODS!”

Bulging with muscles and sporting a huge white beard, Zeus could easily have been mistaken for the Rock’s favourite grandad, (an error that had occurred before).

“Wow!” exclaimed Charlie, standing back aghast at the incredible spectacle, “didn’t you used to be World Wrestling Champion way back in the sixties when they still had black and white TV?”

“Look child, I’m not the Rock’s grandad,” stated Zeus, thoroughly deflated that he hadn’t scared Charlie screaming into next week, “I am in fact, (as you obviously weren’t listening), Zeus, chief of the gods!”

“Oh!” frowned Charlie, (who was hoping for some free merchandise), “but could you beat him in a wrestling match?”

“Of course I could!” declared Zeus pompously.

“And have you ever been World Champion?”

Zeus stamped his foot in frustration, “Listen carefully! I’m chief of the gods! No, I’ve never been World Champion but of course, I’d win a wrestling match against someone’s stupid grandad!”

“Does the Rock know you’ve been dissing his grandad?” asked Charlie, “if I were you, I’d keep my voice down.”

Zeus raised an eyebrow and looked around nervously just in case the People’s Champ had overheard.

As the coast was clear, Zeus returned to the original point of his visit. “I’m here to ask you to come and join us gods, at Olympus now that you’ve discovered your new powers.”

“You mean that I’ll actually get to come and live at Olympus itself?” asked Charlie excitedly.

“Well, no, not really, you see Olympus is only for the absolute top gods, like me, and of course Thor, (since he won that Golden Globe last year with his new movie). No, the other gods normally hang out at Valhalla or maybe Hades, (depending on how naughty they’ve been).

I’m sure we can find you a nice little apartment overlooking the river.”

“That might not be too bad, which river is it? The Danube, or maybe the Seine, I’ve always wanted to see Paris.”

“No, the Styx, it’s the river that washes away the Tears of the Damned, but don’t worry as you’ll still get an en-suite bathroom.”

Charlie considered his options. Unfortunately, he had run away before lunch and hadn’t thought about bringing any food, nor did he have any money. Worst of all he had run out of tissues and his left sleeve was starting to get quite sticky.

However, if this funny old man was telling the truth, this could be a Golden Opportunity Not to be Missed.

“Unfortunately, we can’t just head off to Olympus,” said Charlie slowly, thinking things through.

“We’ll need to inform The Norphanage first. In fact, to get away with this and stop them from calling out the police, you need to officially adopt me. We’ll have to speak to the new warden.”

“Erm, right,” said Zeus. He pulled a crumpled-up piece of paper out of his robe. It was a list of things to remember that Hera, queen of gods, had helpfully handed him on the way out.

Right at the top, it said:

1. Meet child, NO LIGHTNING BOLTS.

2. Introduce yourself, remember you are a KINDLY OLD GRANDAD.

“Darn!” exclaimed Zeus and crossed them both out; Hera was not going to be pleased.

Next, it said:

3. Arrange for adoption.

Zeus put a tick against this one.

“Number four,” he read, “Ensure child has enough spare underwear.”

Charlie helpfully opened his suitcase to demonstrate the extra pairs of pants he’d already brought.

“Good” declared Zeus and ticked number four as well. He might get away with this after all!

The next one was more difficult:

5. Pick up essential supplies for god training:

Paper and pen for taking notes.
Own water bottle.
Mystical flying horse to help get around.
Training sword.
Backpack to put everything in.

Zeus did not look happy.

“Stupid woman, how does she expect us to get all this? I mean it’s Sunday afternoon and all the shops are shut.”

“Maybe you’d best give me the list,” said Charlie helpfully.

Zeus, slightly relieved, handed it over. As chief of gods he was used to ordering other people around and what seemed like a nice jaunt out to collect the new un-god was quickly turning into his worst nightmare – Hard Work!

Charlie read the list again. “I’m not sure about the flying horse but we can get the rest from the garage shop.”

“Don’t worry about the horse”, said Zeus, “we’ll swing by the Elysian Fields on the way, they always have a few in stock.”

Firstly, they headed back to the Norphanage. What had started out as a terrible day had turned into a dream come true, Charlie was going to visit the home of the gods – Mount Olympus itself!

Chapter 2

The Adoption of Charlie Bluster

Mr Bennet, the new warden at the Norphanage, (and Mr Crabbe’s replacement), was a kindly old man that wanted to see all the children placed with good families that would look after them.

He invited Zeus and Charlie into his office.

“Now please tell me a bit about yourself Mr …?”

Zeus drew himself up to his full height and flashed a lightning bolt around the room.

“COWER, BRIEF MORTAL AND BEHOLD, ZEUS, CHIEF OF GODS, …OOWWW!”

Charlie elbowed him sharply in the ribs,

“You’re supposed to be a kindly old grandad, remember, you’d better try again.”

“Doh! Yes sorry, of course”, said Zeus who really enjoyed the Cower Speech.

Zeus waved his hand and using his magic powers, blanked the last few seconds of memory from the warden. He tried again:

“Hello, young sir, my name is, (er what’s my name again, Bertie, yes, got it), my name is Bertie and I’m actually Charlie’s great uncle recently returned from Australia. We’re here today so I can officially take him home.”

“That’s lovely, now can you please tell me your address for our records.”

“Of course, it’s number one, Mount Olympus, Greece, …., I mean Australia.”

Mr Bennet carefully wrote this down in his notebook.

“You must understand, sir, that we can’t just sign orphans out willy-nilly. Can you tell me what makes you qualified to look after Charlie?”

This question was unexpected, and it put Zeus under pressure. Normally if people asked him questions he just Wiped Them off the Face of the Earth with lightning bolts.

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This book is entirely a work of fiction. All incidents and dialogue, and all characters, except for some well-known historical figures, are products of the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Where real-life historical figures appear, the situations, incidents, and dialogues concerning those persons are entirely fictional and are not intended to depict actual events or to change the entirely fictional nature of the work. In all other respects, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Free images from Pixabay and Unsplash have been used in the creation of the cover.

We would like to thank: Chris de Lima, Susannp4, and Aaron Burden.