On this page, you can read all about the major people in Charlie's world including the gods, the good guys and the bad guys. Find out stuff you didn't know, read snippets on each one taken from our books, and test your knowledge on the gods of Olympus with our quiz!
The gods all hang out over at Olympus, Valhalla or Hades, (depending on how naughty they've been), where they spend their time swanning around drinking Nectar and eating Ambrosia.
Although Charlie meets tons of different gods when he visits Olympus here are the most important ones together with their jobs and favourite hobbies:
Hobbies: Zeus likes destroying villages and blasting peasants with blots of lightning. His favourite TV show is Thomas the Tank engine which he watches every day right after he gets up out of bed at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Zeus is badly allergic to all forms of work but as chief of the gods, he does enjoy ordering other people around.
Hobbies: The only sensible person living at Olympus, Hera's hobby is bossing, (at which she could easily be world champion if they started a competition). Bossier than both your mum and all your little sisters combined Hera keeps up her bossing skills by practising every day on her husband Zeus as well as Hercules, and just about everyone else she comes into contact with.
Nevertheless, she is kind-hearted and has the best interests of others in mind and takes special care to look out for Charlie when he arrives at Olympus.
Hobbies: Malcolm really loves to play ten-pin bowling however he so rarely gets any time off what with keeping an eye on the fate of the universe, tidying his bedroom and keeping up with the goss.
He also enjoys drinking coffee and has visited every single café in the known universe with his two favourites being the Hard Rock Café, (Alpha Centauri in particular), and of course Jeff’s Coffee Emporium at Portsmouth.
Hobbies: Hercules’ hobby and favourite pastime is flirting with girls, (something he does pretty much every chance he gets). Dressing in only the latest styles and most expensive basketball trainers, Hercules is popular with both the gods and normal people. As god of exercise, he enjoys sports of all types especially those ones that allow him to pose in front of any cameras that might be around.
Hera has Hercules twisted around her little finger and he spends most of his spare time doing whatever jobs she wants doing.
Hobbies: Mars is heavily into chocolate and he's been trying to drop his day job as god of war and take it up full time. With a brand new factory, built out the back of the Hall of Warriors, and a new line in chocolate merchandise, things are looking good for the future.
Mars' other big hobby is Charlie Bluster himself. Just about the only god that takes any interest in him, Mars sees a lot of himself in Charlie and trains him in all sorts of things that a little boy his age has no absolutely no business whatsoever learning about.
There are tons of other gods in the story, test your knowledge with our fun quiz!
Some of our favourite god passages from 'Fate's Apprentice':
"If people didn’t believe in magic then it wouldn’t be long before us gods wouldn’t be needed. We’d all be fired and we’d end up having to move to America and take up actual jobs like driving taxis or running launderettes.”
Zeus shuddered uncontrollably at the dreadful prospect of having to do a Real Job and was forced to take a comforting swig of hot chocolate.
Charlie, grumbling under his breath and crossing his fingers behind his back, shook Malcolm’s hand.
“Pleased to meet you,” he said, (“and I hope your granny gets horribly maimed in a brutal shopping accident,” added Charlie under his breath).
“I’m looking forward to working with you,” replied Malcolm shaking hands, (“and may you die horribly screaming after your nose gets stuck in the toaster,” he whispered).
The heroes of our story, the Good Guys regularly perform heroic deeds like helping small cats out of trees, being nice to old ladies, and brutally slaughtering the Bad Guys.
Here are some of the main heroes from the stories:
Aside from being the Norphanage Cook and the Nurse, Mrs Higgensworth was also the Cleaner, the Governess and just about every job where a Woman’s Touch was needed. She is a large, stern, and robust woman who takes Took No-Nonsense and believes in Doing Things Right. Nothing can stand in Mrs Higgensworth’s way especially where the safety of one of her Norphans is concerned.
Before they left, Mrs Higgensworth, the cook, cornered Zeus in order to have a Friendly Word in His Ear.
“Now listen here mister, young Charlie is one of the nicest and sweetest little boys I know, and you’d better take good care of him. Otherwise, you’ll get my handbag round the back of your head!”
Mrs Higgensworth lofted the aforementioned weapon threateningly. Like many old ladies, she kept enough stuff inside her handbag to provision an entire Sherpa Trip to the Southern Hebrides. The handbag looked like a Weapon of Mass Destruction and a whack round the back of the head would easily take down a fully grown rhinoceros.
“How dare you threaten me, madam, don’t you know who I am?” proclaimed Zeus indignantly.
“I don’t care if you’re Zeus, chief of all the gods,” declared Mrs Higgensworth, “you’ll catch it hot if anything happens to my little Charlie.”
Like Charlie, Katie is a norphan living at the Norphange and is Charlie's best friend. She is a happy little girl who believes in love, romance and getting the best out of people. When she grows up she wants to be a ballet dancing princess.
Over the course of the morning, all the children came to visit Charlie and to wish him well. Katie had made a Get Well Soon card and had coloured it in using every colouring pen and crayon she had. She bounced around Charlie’s bed singing in the hope to make him better through sheer happiness.
Unfortunately, she had used a generous amount of purple crayon and after looking at it for a few minutes Charlie’s head was ready to explode. Nevertheless, he really appreciated the efforts from Katie especially as Jaden’s method of wishing him well was to punch him repeatedly in the arm.
There is nothing he likes better than celebrating with his fans after a hard day of saving their village by obliterating a horde of werewolves. A master of Kung-Fu, bonsai and all-round nice guy, Shirley’s hobbies include gardening and he has a sideline in advertising for Superdry.
His dad however had not approved of Shirley taking on a job as a warrior.
“No one else in our family is a barbarian,” he scolded.
“You might think it’s all fun, chopping up bad guys and hanging out with Damsels in Distress, but will the job pay regularly and what sort of health insurance does it come with?”
“And what happens when you want to settle down and start a family? No self-respecting wife is going to be happy with you heading off to Slaughter a Bunch Of Infidels when she’s got a couple of kids to get out to school.”
“Listen to your old dad, forget this whole fighting lark, instead be an accountant like me or go into dentistry like your Uncle Frank. A good solid career with a big pay packet and twenty-four days of holiday every year.”
Shirley of course hadn’t listened. Who would want to be a boring dentist, what fun did they have staring into people’s gobs all day long and getting covered in spittle?
No, he didn’t want to spend his days washing saliva out of his hair. Instead, he wanted to be in the spotlight, have hordes of fans chanting his name after having saved some village from being Obliterated by Werewolves!
Mr Crabbe is the warden of the Norphanage and the along with Mrs Higgensworth the principal guardian of the children. He considers himself to be a refined and stately old gentleman who leads and guides the children through his good example and gentle correction. The kids however see him as a Mean Spirited Old Codger that could easily teach in a popular school in Beanotown.
The children didn’t know how old Mr Crabbe was although (they were pretty sure that he had fought in the great war against Napoleon). Nevertheless, since the accident with the house, he had felt a new man, younger and re-energized and ready for anything.
He might have looked about two hundred years old but today he felt like only ninety-nine again!
One of Charlie’s best friends and former Norphange bully, Jaden is never far from Charlie Bluster and shares in all his adventures. Jaden’s hobby is eating, and he also enjoys gassing anyone who comes within area-of-effect damage range. Despite being brash and as ugly as a professional wrestler’s bottom, he is a good and loyal friend and a bit like Sir Lancelot sees himself as Katie’s protector when Charlie isn’t around.
While Chalie is busy running the country, it’s Jaden who heads off to Ireland to uncover the secret behind Conn McLear in our game, Otherworld: Epic Adventure.
Since Charlie had left, Jaden, the Norphanage Bully, had officially installed himself as Katie’s minder. He piled into the middle of the crowd attempting to disperse them with Intimidation and Flatulence. “Give the poor little girl some room your horrible lot!” he bellowed, farting heavily.
The lucky few that had somehow survived Jaden’s gas attack pinched their noses tightly and shoved in even closer. Jaden however was just as interested as everyone else, “go on and open it, Katie,” he pleaded. Using a fingernail she carefully sliced open the top of the envelope and silence descended. It was just like the moment when they are about to announce the result of the Eurovision Song Contest but this time something important was surely about to happen.
“Oooh it’s a letter from Charlie,” she declared, “he must be writing to tell us about the first week in his new school.”
“What does it say, what does it say?” clamoured the throng of children. Jaden was forced to up the ante and redouble his attack in order to keep Katie safe. Fortunately for him, he had plenty of ammo having eaten egg and onion sandwiches the night before.
A selection of the foul criminals, evil geniuses and dirtballs that constantly plague Charlie and his friends.
Gavin is a horrible dictator that lived during the tenth century and ruled that part of the world known as the Nether Regions, (which I believe you can reach by travelling up the North-West Passage). Unfortunately for Gavin, his rule came to an abrupt end thanks to the pointy bit of Shirley Butt-Whooper’s sword.
Gavin the Terrible, Dread Tyrant of the Nether Regions, ruled supreme during the tenth century, terrorizing the country, enslaving the people, and stopping everybody’s pocket money.
Gavin, who was even Eviler than Adolf Hitler’s Toilet after a hard night on the curry, took delight in coming up with new and even nastier punishments to inflict on the country. He outlawed chocolate, forced people to wear shorts to school all year round, (even in the winter), and worst of all, he replaced all the toilet roll with sandpaper!
Mr Custard Yellow is one of the senior operatives from the mafia. All the mafia henchmen use colour coded code names in case they are captured. Working alongside his heavies including Mr Dirty Brown, Mr Violent Green and Mr Dangerous Purple, he is the one that holds Charlie's friends hostage in the Un-god of Fate.
Arrested by the police after the dramatic events of the first book he is currently residing in jail where he is enjoying a diet composed entirely of Brussel Sprouts.
“Now before we close is there any other business today?”
“I’m afraid that we have one issue” reported Mr Custard Yellow.
“Honest George Lawmaker the Bookmaker has placed several high stakes bets with us over the last several weeks.
Each time he has been completely right, and we’ve had to pay out nearly half a million pounds in prize money.
I regret to inform everyone that this means that we are short on funds and there will be no chocolate biscuits with afternoon tea until at least next Thursday!”
This dreadful announcement was met with cries of shock and anguish.
Honest George believes that he is a fine upstanding member of the community who goes out of his way to do good deeds like helping old ladies across roads, being nice to small animals, and conning people out of all their hard-earned cash.
George owns the Bookmakers shop in the town where Charlie Bluster lives and once he found out about Charlie’s abilities to see the future he does his best to cash in by conning juicy titbits of information out of Charlie that allow him to place large bets.
Honest George has a long-standing policy of being nasty to small children unless of course there is some way he could make money from them.
In George’s favourite film the hero’s girlfriend had a canary. The canary would never sing or make any kind of chirping whatsoever. One day the hero was reading out a list of horses in a race and the canary suddenly started to sing whenever it got to the name of the winning horse. The hero, after testing the canary on an old race that already happened, went out and placed a huge bet on the horse the canary had picked for the next race. Of course, the canary had been right, and the hero won a sizeable chunk of money.
Now, this type of person strictly speaking is not a Hero. Heroes put themselves into danger to help the needy and rescue people in distress but to people like George Lawmaker, someone that has found a magical way to make huge wadges of cash without having to do any real work was up there with King Arthur at the top of the Hero Tree.
On the surface, Conn McLear is a highly successful and extremely popular politician from Ireland, poised to be the next Irish prime minister. In reality, he is an evil genius, former used-car salesman, and master of the Dark Powers of Marketing which he uses to subjugate world leaders like the President of the USA or the King of Outer Mongolia.
The only thing standing in his path to World Domination is, of course, Charlie Bluster, and Conn has therefore sided with Malcolm to get rid of Charlie once and for all.
Who or what really is he and how will Charlie and his friends stop him?
Read more about Conn McLear in Book 3, Charlie Bluster becomes Prime Minister.
Should you ever have the misfortune to meet Conn then our advice is to screw up your eyes, block out your ears and try and hold tight to your money at the same time, (perhaps using your knees). This is because the second he starts talking, you will surely be believing everything he says.
Worse than that, he will almost certainly try and sell you something and unless you have nerves stronger than steel you will happily part with your last penny.
For example, only last week he sold the Eiffel tower back to France after convincing them that it had been on extended loan from Dublin. He had previously sold sausages to the Germans, snow to the Eskimos and there was even a rumour he had sold a second-hand car to Ebeneezer Scrooge, (which refused to start the morning after Neezy picked it up).
The right honourable Sir Gerald Oswestry Rottenborough is a former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. An aging senior politician, he is about as relevant as Schrodingers Goldfish and as useful as Santa’s Spare Pair of Speedos. His policies include taxing everyone heavily and free donughts for all members of parliament.
His favourite place is the bathroom where he scurries off to hide should any fool ask him to do actual work. The most advanced facility this side of the Danube, it is equipped with a Nintendo games console and an emergency bat-phone with a direct line to Dominoes. If ever asked a question he immediately delegates it to Alexa rather than having to use his own brain.
Gerald is ousted from government after a humiliating election defeat by Charlie Bluster. He is relegated back home to his mummy’s house with a leaving present of a large bottle of Domestos and fifty scrubbers and strict instructions to repay his debt to society by helping her destain the toilet, (since his last visit).
Here is a fun except from book 3, Charlie Bluster becomes Prime Minister.
“Alexa, how many lies have I told since being elected Prime Minister?” he commanded confidently. “Two thousand three hundred and seventeen lies …,” replied Alexa with just as much confidence.
“Underpants!” roared the PM.
“… have been recorded today,” finished Alexa. “The current time is three forty-five in the afternoon. The last lie was registered at three fourteen when you told the Minister for the Interior that you liked her new hairstyle.”
“Oh that doesn’t count, I was just being nice. Everyone knows it looks like a pair of Mating Peregrine Falcons have built their nest on top of her bonce!”
“The next lie was recorded at three twelve,” said Alexa ploughing on, “when you said that you hadn’t raised taxes.” “But I haven’t raised taxes,” protested the PM, (who due to the severity of the situation was forced to sandwich two slices of pizza together at the same time).