Charlie Bluster's

Election Manifesto

Hi, I’m Charlie Bluster and like me I’m sure you’ve heard loads of boring people on the news waffling on about the Economy, Recession, or other equally irrelevant subjects. I believe that what we need is some modern politics, stuff that normal people actually care about.

So here’s my take on three critical issues facing the country, each one ready to push us to DefCon 1.

Taxes:

Taxes will be cancelled permanently and instead of stealing your hard-earned cash, my government will be forking it back in the form of a Free Curry Chip. That’s right! Free curry chips for everyone, each week, straight from a local frier near you.

This incredible policy is going to boost voters’ well-being and improve the economy through higher public spending, while in the process, creating hundreds of new jobs in both the potato-peeling and toilet-cleaning industries.

How are we going to pay for this may I ask?? It’s simple, we’re going to charge everyone else by quadrupling the export taxes on our wonderful British produce and if they won’t pay we’ll tell them they can’t have any. Let’s see how long they’ll survive without Brown Sauce!

Crime:

I pledge to crack down completely on crime courtesy of my new Extreme-Prejudice-Criminal-Elimination Task Force. Staffed by the sternest, most discipline-centred no-nonsense-takers alive, this specialist unit is composed entirely of elderly dinner ladies and housekeepers hardened by years of gruelling service on front-line schools that would make Bash Street look like a home for elderly priests.

Armed to the teeth with the latest heavy-assault weaponry, these grim old battle-axes will bring swift and orderly resolution to any crime situation. Platoon Commandant, Mrs Higgensworth, has been recorded as saying:

“Anyone what doesn’t behave will get my handbag round the back of their head pronto!”

Climate Change:

Saving the environment is a concern for everybody and if I become the new Prime Minister farting will be outlawed immediately! We’ve all heard how dangerous greenhouse gas emissions can be, blasting holes in the ozone layer and melting the polar ice caps.

It’s certainly reeking over in the House of Commons but personally, I put it down to that shipment of dodgy chilli sausages the canteen served up last Tuesday. There’s no doubt that a reduction of eruptions from behind will surely make the difference and that’s why I’m saying Farewell Flatulence and Ban Bottom Burping!

As you can see, a vote for me, that Nation’s Favourite, Charlie Bluster is a vote for a Better Britain.

Find out all about how Charlie’s election campaign goes in book 3, Charlie Bluster becomes Prime Minister, a guaranteed laugh for adults and kids alike.

Read the entire first chapter for free right here at CharlieBluster.com