Fate's Apprentice

A funny fantasy Kung-Fu fighting, sword slashing, chocolate chewing, seat of the pants adventure story!

For Adults and Children of 10 years +

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Welcome to The Tragedy of Charlie Bluster and Fate’s Apprentice!

Adorable little orphan boy Charlie is adopted by the stuffy Olympian gods who know even less about looking after children than Emporer Palpatine’s granny.

What will Charlie learn at Olympus? Will he discover the dread secret of the gods, (cunningly hidden by Zeus who stuffed it down the back of the sofa), or will he master Magic and Kung-Fu Fighting and become the deadliest stage performer since Merlin started dating Ma Baker!

Read on to find more snippets from the story, Charlie's map of god Country and a round-up of the absolute top butt-whoopiest weapons in the known universe.

You'll find lots more in the book itself including Killer Tortoises of Destruction and who will win the duel of the gods?

Charlie's map of god country

Fortunately, Charlie had helpfully drawn a map, which he pulled out and launched into a description.

Charlie loses no time in exploring the mysterious land of the gods, smelling out its secrets and poking under everyone’s beds. Listen in on Charlie’s explanation to his friends and find the whole conversation in chapter five.

“When you arrive in god country, you get to the flying horse stand which is right next to the Elysian Fields,” he said pointing it out on the paper. “The Elysian Fields are just like a Butlins holiday park but the food is nicer and they have actual soap in all the bathrooms.

From there it’s only a short walk to Mount Olympus itself where Zeus and all the leading gods live.”

“Oooh,” interjected Katie, “and that must be where you live too?”

“No, I’m afraid not,” replied Charlie. “My room is over by the river next to the Travelodge and is basically the cheapest and smallest place they could find. The toilet won’t flush half the time and the TV is permanently stuck on the Politics channel.”

All the children shuddered in unison at the painful thought of waking up every morning to Boris Johnson.

The deadliest and butt-whoopiest Kung-Fu weapons in the Charlie Bluster universe!

Mrs Higgensworth’s Handbag of Doom

Officially classed as a Weapon of Mass Destruction, the handbag is even deadlier than the Rock's most absorbant set of underpants after a hard day working in the gym and a whack round the back of the head with this would easily bring down a charging rhinoceros. Decorated around the outside with a large number of classy metal finishings that have been filed to razor sharpness, bad guys are warned to stay well away or risk being impaled, just like bad quality kebab meat.

Like many old ladies, the bag also functions as a working Tardis being many times larger on the inside than it appears on the outside allowing Mrs Higgensworth to store enough stuff to provision an entire Sherpa trip to the Outer Hebrides!

Handy Pocket Volcano

The favourite weapon of Malcolm, god of Fate, the volcano is one of the hottest weapons going. Do you have a horde of terrible enemies needing to be obliterated? Perhaps you have a really annoying little sister that just will not leave you alone or stop nicking your toys? Well then, simply erupt a volcano right next to them and see if they don’t clear off faster than a cheetah with its tail on fire.

Never leave home without one, a handy weapon to always have in your back pocket.

Western Mongolian Nostril Hair Grabbers

Legendary throughout Mongolia, China and the Lower Regions down in the East, this foul weapon is normally only unlocked at Grand Ninja Master Level. Extremely deadly in trained hands it can really get right in the face of your opponent.

Famously wielded by only the top fighters such as Shirley Butt-whooper, (world’s most dangerous man) and Mars, (god of both War and Chocolate). It was Mars who imparted the wisdom of their usage to young Charlie Bluster during his time at Olympus.

Small and unobtrusive they can easily be secreted about the person, ready for those surprise occasions when you need to vanquish some enemies at the drop of a hat.

Magic Sword of Shirley Butt-whooper

Given to Shirley at a young age by Malcolm, god of Fate, the sword shone bright with Justice and Retribution. At Shirley’s death, the magic caused it to break into two pieces and it was lost for over a thousand years until it was belched up by the River Styx where it was found by Charlie Bluster.

Reforged by Vulcan, god of Fixing Things, the centre of the blade was scorched black and the ghost of Shirley was magically trapped within the sword. Shirley can talk to Charlie and give him handy advice on everyday things such as the best deals are the supermarket or the quickest way to brutally slaughter your enemies.

Like other weapons from the TV, it has magical properties such as the ability to come when called. Charlie really wanted it to launch magical fireballs or make a farting noise when swung, but he had run out of pocket money!