A funny fantasy Kung-Fu fighting, sword slashing, chocolate chewing, seat of the pants adventure story!
For Adults and Children of 10 years +
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The gods can't afford to have a new un-god running round loose, making a mess and stealing all their street cred. At Olympus, they can watch Charlie closely while he discovers his new powers and learns essential god skills such as sword fighting, impressing girls and how to sleep in way past lunchtime.
But how will Charlie's new abilities hold up when he runs into the world's most dangerous man or clashes heads with the god of fate himself?
Read this second gripping instalment in the Charlie Bluster series and dare to try and stop laughing. Find out more about Charlie Bluster in the series' first book 'The Un-god of Fate'.
The combat class would be taught by Mars, god of chocolate and the toughest fighter in Olympus. This was because he used to be god of war, but since taking on the sweet business he would say it was because of all the energy that came from the worlds best chocolate bar.
With Climate Change and the Covid Crisis being so important these days, war just wasn’t seen as cool anymore. He had therefore put the family business up for sale and he was looking for a new owner. In the meantime, until they found someone else to take over, it was Mars that would be giving Charlie lessons on how to whoop butt!
Read the first 2 chapters for free on Amazon using Look Inside.
Adorable little orphan boy Charlie is adopted by the stuffy Olympian gods who know even less about looking after children than Emporer Palpatine’s granny.
What will Charlie learn at Olympus? Will he discover the dread secret of the gods, (cunningly hidden by Zeus who stuffed it down the back of the sofa), or will he master Magic and Kung-Fu Fighting and become the deadliest stage performer since Merlin started dating Ma Baker!
Read on to find more snippets from the story, Charlie's map of god Country and a round-up of the absolute top butt-whoopiest weapons in the known universe.
You'll find lots more in the book itself including Killer Tortoises of Destruction and who will win the duel of the gods?
Charlie Bluster was written for a 10-year-old boy called Harry to keep him amused on the way back home from holiday. Although there are some big words it may appeal to younger children from the age of 8 up. Charlie Bluster is an exciting fantasy story but also funny and contains many jokes that big children (adults) will find enjoyable.
Shirley Butt-Whooper was the greatest warrior of the tenth century and officially the Most Dangerous Man in the World. Deadlier by far than even the Terminator, Darth Vader and Donald Trump all combined, bad guys like the Mafia would go sprinting straight for the nearest toilet at the slightest mention of his name! Wanted by every government in the land, he survived as a Soldier of Fortune driving around in a big black van and obliterating the enemy by building tanks that fired cabbages.
If you like Roald Dahl, Terry Pratchett or a funny Harry Potter then Charlie Bluster could be for you. Read the first chapter online for free to see for yourself.
Fortunately, Charlie had helpfully drawn a map, which he pulled out and launched into a description.
Charlie loses no time in exploring the mysterious land of the gods, smelling out its secrets and poking under everyone’s beds. Listen in on Charlie’s explanation to his friends and find the whole conversation in chapter five.
“When you arrive in god country, you get to the flying horse stand which is right next to the Elysian Fields,” he said pointing it out on the paper. “The Elysian Fields are just like a Butlins holiday park but the food is nicer and they have actual soap in all the bathrooms.
From there it’s only a short walk to Mount Olympus itself where Zeus and all the leading gods live.”
“Oooh,” interjected Katie, “and that must be where you live too?”
“No, I’m afraid not,” replied Charlie. “My room is over by the river next to the Travelodge and is basically the cheapest and smallest place they could find. The toilet won’t flush half the time and the TV is permanently stuck on the Politics channel.”
All the children shuddered in unison at the painful thought of waking up every morning to Boris Johnson.
Officially classed as a Weapon of Mass Destruction, the handbag is even deadlier than the Rock's most absorbant set of underpants after a hard day working in the gym and a whack round the back of the head with this would easily bring down a charging rhinoceros. Decorated around the outside with a large number of classy metal finishings that have been filed to razor sharpness, bad guys are warned to stay well away or risk being impaled, just like bad quality kebab meat.
Like many old ladies, the bag also functions as a working Tardis being many times larger on the inside than it appears on the outside allowing Mrs Higgensworth to store enough stuff to provision an entire Sherpa trip to the Outer Hebrides!
The favourite weapon of Malcolm, god of Fate, the volcano is one of the hottest weapons going. Do you have a horde of terrible enemies needing to be obliterated? Perhaps you have a really annoying little sister that just will not leave you alone or stop nicking your toys? Well then, simply erupt a volcano right next to them and see if they don’t clear off faster than a cheetah with its tail on fire.
Never leave home without one, a handy weapon to always have in your back pocket.
Legendary throughout Mongolia, China and the Lower Regions down in the East, this foul weapon is normally only unlocked at Grand Ninja Master Level. Extremely deadly in trained hands it can really get right in the face of your opponent.
Famously wielded by only the top fighters such as Shirley Butt-whooper, (world’s most dangerous man) and Mars, (god of both War and Chocolate). It was Mars who imparted the wisdom of their usage to young Charlie Bluster during his time at Olympus.
Small and unobtrusive they can easily be secreted about the person, ready for those surprise occasions when you need to vanquish some enemies at the drop of a hat.
Magic Sword of Shirley Butt-whooper
Given to Shirley at a young age by Malcolm, god of Fate, the sword shone bright with Justice and Retribution. At Shirley’s death, the magic caused it to break into two pieces and it was lost for over a thousand years until it was belched up by the River Styx where it was found by Charlie Bluster.
Reforged by Vulcan, god of Fixing Things, the centre of the blade was scorched black and the ghost of Shirley was magically trapped within the sword. Shirley can talk to Charlie and give him handy advice on everyday things such as the best deals are the supermarket or the quickest way to brutally slaughter your enemies.
Like other weapons from the TV, it has magical properties such as the ability to come when called. Charlie really wanted it to launch magical fireballs or make a farting noise when swung, but he had run out of pocket money!